Overcoming Guilt Around Self-Care
Taking Care of Yourself is the Most Generous Thing You Can Do
Guilt and self-care often go hand in hand, especially for women navigating life’s hardest transitions. Whether it’s divorce, burnout, or the constant pull to be everything for everyone, the idea of prioritising yourself can feel...wrong. But self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. And more than that, it’s the foundation for thriving.
Why Do We All Feel So Guilty About Self-Care?
Societal Conditioning: From a young age, women are often taught that their value lies in how much they give to others. The result? We equate self-sacrifice with love and strength, leaving little room for our own needs.
The “Good Girl” Narrative: Whether it’s being the perfect mum, partner, or friend, we’ve internalised the idea that putting ourselves first makes us less “good” or, worse, like we’re failing at something.
Fear of Judgment: Many of us worry about being seen as selfish, lazy, or indulgent if we take time for ourselves.
Comparison Trap: Too often, we compare ourselves to others who are seemingly “doing it all” and doing it “so perfectly.”
Think about the last time you said “no” to something because you needed rest. Did you feel the need to justify it? That’s the guilt talking and it’s time to rewrite that narrative.
What Self-Care Really Means
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too). It’s about creating rhythms and habits that support your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Physical Self-Care: Movement, hydration, nourishing food, and sleep. These are the basics, but they’re often the first to go when life gets hard.
Emotional Self-Care: Setting boundaries, saying no, and allowing yourself to feel without judgment.
Mental Self-Care: Taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, and creating space for hobbies or learning.
Spiritual Self-Care: Connecting with something bigger than yourself, whether that’s through meditation, nature, or faith.
For a busy mom navigating divorce, self-care might look like a 10-minute walk while listening to her favorite podcast after school drop-off and before work. For someone rebuilding after burnout, it might mean scheduling therapy or journaling to process emotions.
Self-Care is Essential (Not Selfish)
You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup: When you’re depleted, you’re not showing up as your best self, for your kids, your work, or even your own dreams.
It Models Healthy Boundaries: When you prioritise yourself, you teach those around you (especially your kids) that self-care is a non-negotiable.
It’s an Act of Self-Respect: Taking care of yourself sends a powerful message: “I am worthy of care, rest, and joy.”
Imagine a woman who’s constantly running on empty. She’s irritable, exhausted, and feels disconnected from herself. Now imagine that same woman after prioritising self-care, she’s calmer, more present, and has the energy to truly engage with her life.
How to Overcome Guilt Around Self-Care
Reframe Your Mindset: Instead of seeing self-care as indulgent, view it as essential maintenance, like charging your phone or putting petrol in your car.
Start Small: You don’t need hours of free time to practice self-care. Begin with micro-moments, like deep breathing or drinking water first thing in the morning.
Challenge the Guilt: When guilt creeps in, ask yourself: “Who benefits from me staying exhausted? (No one!) What am I modelling for those around me?”
Create a Self-Care Plan: Schedule it like you would any other priority. Whether it’s a weekly yoga class or 15 minutes of journaling, put it on your calendar and honour it.
One of my clients started with a simple habit: drinking her morning coffee outside, alone, before the chaos of the day began. That 10 minutes became her anchor, and it grew into a full self-care routine over the summer. Now, even as the mornings get cooler, she’s still keeping it up as her non-negotiable.
Overcoming guilt around self-care isn’t about ignoring your responsibilities, it’s about recognising that you are one of your responsibilities. When you take care of yourself, you’re not just surviving you’re thriving. And that’s the most generous thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you.
What’s one small act of self-care you can commit to this week? Share it with me, I’d love to cheer you on! nicola@nicoleastwoodhealth.com